Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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