That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize