We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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