omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
