week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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