Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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