I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
