So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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