I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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