Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
