They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
