Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize