I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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