When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
