Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
