Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
