i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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