I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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