No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
