Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
