so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
