Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
