I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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