he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
