I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
