Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
