Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Mom said you looked used
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
