Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
