Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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