You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
