I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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