We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
