Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the condom got lost in my hair
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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