I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
