i just had sex bonerless
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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