So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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