Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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