My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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