Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
