she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
