Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
