So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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