i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
