ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
