You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
