all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
