i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
