How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
