i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
her vagine was all disorganized.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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