Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
