apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
