Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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