just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
