And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
