these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
