She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
