yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
