Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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