Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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