cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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