Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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