she was so not down for the gang bang
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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