Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
