wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
