she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
