It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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