he thought i was a dude.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
