She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize