I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
