apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
