Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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