My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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