today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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