I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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