No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
