An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
