yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
