so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
