there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
