alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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