Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
