Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
