don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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