his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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