You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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