Umm I'm too high to move.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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