Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
