I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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