awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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