Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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