Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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