Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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