it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
