DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
