I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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